The Lost Books of Chuck Norris

We have aquired some scrolls of Papyrus containing what we believe to be the Lost Books of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not go hunting because "hunting" implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.


When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.